8 Things I do NOT want for Christmas
December 4th 2008 09:19
There are some pretty strange items out there being advertised as gift ideas for the Holiday season. While I haven't written a Christmas wish list in a couple of decades, I have decided that this year, I am going to write a list of things I definitely do NOT want to receive.
1. FUNDIES
Please refrain from giving me these wacky undies for two. (That means you, hubby! No thanks!)
2. Poo Log
While I may have made no secret of my love for writing, I have never had any desire to chronicle my...um...poo. According to the description: "A journal for recording and studying the wondrous uniqueness of each bowel movement."
I think I'll just keep my occasional wonderment to myself. Thank you.
3. The Wine Rack
It is true that I like to enjoy a glass of vino from time to time. However, I never imagined that one day, I could skip the glass and sip Pinot Noir directly through a tube connected to bladders inside my sports bra. Although I scoff at this ridiculous contraption, I will admit that it could come in handy at sporting events.
4. LED Faucet Light
I have a hard enough time convincing my husband not to let the water run for too long the way it is! The last thing I need is for him to be enchanted by the pretty lights in the middle of the night. Although, perhaps it would convince him to wash the dishes more often. Maybe I'll give this one a little more thought.
5. Tickle Me Freud
That's disturbing...I think.
6. Lookin' Good for Jesus Lip Balm
While it never hurts to be prepared, I am in serious trouble if "Lookin' Good" is a standard by which he'll be "Judgin'".
7. Yellow Pages Booster Seat
Ha Ha Ha. I get it. Pick on the short kid. Very funny.
8. Gold Pill
The purpose of these little beauties is to sparkle on the way in...and on the way out. If you know what I mean. They add a little BLING to your BM. I'm not awesome enough for this stuff. It would make for an interesting entry in the "Poo Log", however!
In summary, this Christmas, I have no use for the above luxuries. In fact, to my friends, I say save your money. Who knows? With the economy in the crapper, and the value of a dollar plummeting, we may need to burn it in a barrel to keep us warm next Christmas!
1. FUNDIES
Please refrain from giving me these wacky undies for two. (That means you, hubby! No thanks!)
2. Poo Log
While I may have made no secret of my love for writing, I have never had any desire to chronicle my...um...poo. According to the description: "A journal for recording and studying the wondrous uniqueness of each bowel movement."
I think I'll just keep my occasional wonderment to myself. Thank you.
3. The Wine Rack
It is true that I like to enjoy a glass of vino from time to time. However, I never imagined that one day, I could skip the glass and sip Pinot Noir directly through a tube connected to bladders inside my sports bra. Although I scoff at this ridiculous contraption, I will admit that it could come in handy at sporting events.
4. LED Faucet Light
I have a hard enough time convincing my husband not to let the water run for too long the way it is! The last thing I need is for him to be enchanted by the pretty lights in the middle of the night. Although, perhaps it would convince him to wash the dishes more often. Maybe I'll give this one a little more thought.
5. Tickle Me Freud
That's disturbing...I think.
6. Lookin' Good for Jesus Lip Balm
While it never hurts to be prepared, I am in serious trouble if "Lookin' Good" is a standard by which he'll be "Judgin'".
7. Yellow Pages Booster Seat
Ha Ha Ha. I get it. Pick on the short kid. Very funny.
8. Gold Pill
The purpose of these little beauties is to sparkle on the way in...and on the way out. If you know what I mean. They add a little BLING to your BM. I'm not awesome enough for this stuff. It would make for an interesting entry in the "Poo Log", however!
In summary, this Christmas, I have no use for the above luxuries. In fact, to my friends, I say save your money. Who knows? With the economy in the crapper, and the value of a dollar plummeting, we may need to burn it in a barrel to keep us warm next Christmas!
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Comment by Richard Hansen
Things I know and things I wish I didn't
Comment by Lola Tahlulah
Lola Tahlulah
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Movies and Life
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
Good ideas for our upcoming Kris Kringle...
Neems
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
ummm why Jesus?
like is it for some potential date scheduled for when he comes back to Earth?
or do you apply this on a day youre feeling unlucky, just incase you die and want to look good at the pearly gates?
i think the marketing person behind that concept was smoking crack!
well i like Jesus and i like lipbalm - why not put them together? lol
funny stuff Natalie!
Comment by Journeywoman
Great Hair Style Tips
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Australian Chick
Fashion Peach
Comment by Natalie 2
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Comment by Janet Collins
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Janet Collins Blog
PS I don't think I would want any of these either!
Comment by Danceswithwords
Poetic Sedition
Inspiration
8 things I don't want for Xmas...
My ex back,
the clap
a hang on the wall dishes drying rack
Invisible ink
Anything PINK
Flotation devices that make you sink
Socks
Undies
A comb or some talc
A $2 scratchy (all ready completed and telling me I didn't win anything)
Or a cry for help
Baaaaaaa
Humbug
Dances
Comment by Cass
Filmsi
That's a MIGHTY good one.
I'd say the poo log was supposed to be for health reason. Though, no, I can't see anyone keen on doing that. And where do you put in anyway? Magneted to the fridge door? Or behind the toilet door? For the whole world to learn about not the most interesting subjects. LOL
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
There are letters surviving between each other describing "the most wonderful pooh" they had, like one time in the Black Forest, as the mother described her experience in a letter to her little Wolfgang (I think it was her, not Mozart, but Mozart also wrote to his parents about his poohing experiences).
Considering the family scatalogical obsession with bodily elimination, it is a wonder that Mozart did not write an opera titled, The Brown Note!
cheers
fog
P.S. I think the undies look fun, if one had someone spunky to climb in there with... pant pant! hmm....maybe that is why they are called "panties"? hehe!
Comment by Mike Crowl
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Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
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Esoteric Bookshop
I am curious, does Freud DO anything when you tickle him?
Lilla ...
Comment by Natalie 2
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Mike, feel free to pass it on, and keep your fingers crossed that no one gets any ideas!
Lilla, according to the description,"Squeezing Freud's foot will cause him to shake with giggles. Tickle me Freud yields many hours of therapeutic laughs." Hmmm.
Comment by Undercover Brother
Oh yeah!
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
glad you loved the trivia, couldn't help myself, love grossing people out sometimes...hmm..maybe all the time, but I just don't always think of the right thing at the right moment??..probably!! tee hee!
cheers
fog