Naughty Natalina tangles with the Law!
August 27th 2009 21:47
For those of you who know me well, it should come as no shock to you that I've had yet another encounter with the police. The MAN is always trying to keep me down.
Last night, or I should say early this morning, was no different. The facts are these.
At approximately 2:15 am, I was in front of my computer writing. As always, I have multiple windows open, including my email. As I sat there getting pumped up by the rebellious music I was listening to (I believe it was Enya), my road dog Angie instant messaged me.
We exchanged a few pleasantries, when I decided to take a walk on the wild side. I sent her a message saying, "You want to go on a short and boring adventure with me?" I believe her reply was "Hell yeah! Where are we going?" I informed her that I had a Red Box movie to return to Wal Mart, and I was in serious need of a Diet Coke. She thought that sounded like kick ass fun, so I put on my pants and went to pick her up. This is where the real Anarchy begins.
As I pulled my ride up to her front door, I had my radio blasting. Ok, I was blasting a bit of talk radio, but it was LOUD! Hell yes! She climbed into the car, and we were off! First stop...Wally World. Ran in. Dropped off the DVD. (The Soloist) Got back into the car. Drove to the gas station. Got two...count them TWO Diet Cokes (Hardcore!), and left.
We drove the approximately 3 and a half blocks back to Angie's crib, and decided to have a brief chat before she went back inside. We chatted for about 20 minutes to a half an hour...maybe not quite that long. I had my door open because my car decided that it hates me and along with it's various other problems, the driver's side window stopped working. We were in the process of checking out some of the features of her swanky new cell phone when...you guessed it. The Po Po showed up.
We assumed that he was going to tell us to move the car to make way for the street cleaner. Little did we know, we were in trouble!
"What are you two ladies doing out here?" he asked. We replied honestly. "Nothing. Talking."
"Why are you parked out here?" he inquired. Again, honesty is the best policy. "Because she lives here." I told him.
He proceeded to inform us that someone reported us as being "suspicious". Which is hilarious. My little silver plastic car. Two 30-ish gals sitting there drinking diet coke and marveling over the miraculous technology of a new phone. Maybe a giggle or two here and there. So menacing!
Of course, he asked to see my Driver's License to determine if there were any warrants for my arrest. Hilariously, Angie asked him, "Do you want to see mine too?" Yeah, we're bad ass! The officer accepted her ID.
He also brought to my attention that a second officer had arrived on the scene. I turned around just in time to catch a little flashlight to the eyeballs. I politely said hello to the new arrival. They both continued to quiz us about why we were sitting outside at 3am, and that there had to be SOME reason why they were called. We kept telling them that we were just sitting there talking. We knew instantly that it was Angie's bat shit crazy neighbor lady who called. She's evil incarnate. And crazy. Bad combo.
It was around this point that it was becoming clear to the officers that Angela and I were no menaces to society, and their time was officially wasted. After assuring that neither of us were fugitives on the run, he handed the IDs back to us and they left. BAD BOYS BAD BOYS...WHATCHA GONNA DO???
The reason that I share this story is because I find it terribly funny. I'm not going to say that I've never done anything illegal. I have. But I've never been caught. However, I have had numerous unnecessary encounters with the law when I am doing absolutely NOTHING wrong!
When I was a bit younger, I wanna say between the ages of 20-22, my friends gathered at my apartment to throw me a surprise birthday party. It was literally the most innocent of parties you could imagine. Granted, there were a LOT of people crammed into the place, but as it was a very diverse group of ages, the party was incredibly tame. There was pizza. There was 7-Up Punch. There was a birthday cake shaped like a Care Bear. Rock on!
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. More party guests? No! It was the police, saying that they had received complaints about a wild party that was happening. The best part is that the building I lived in at the time was mostly populated by crack heads. Literally. Whomever called the 5-0 probably made sure to stash their crack pipe in a safe location before doing so.
They did a thorough search of the apartment, which must have been very funny to them. The cops were at my building all of the time, and never left empty handed. But this time all they could turn up was some festive B-day cake and a few empty Domino's boxes. I think they got the hint that their search was useless when the noticed my 60 year old coworker Helen sitting on the floor in the corner playing with my cat Azrael.
Somewhere deep inside the files kept by Law Enforcement, is a file on a woman named Natalina, who according to the information gathered on the scene is the most boring person in the world. My wild nights include home made cartoon cakes and late night Diet Coke runs. And Angie was present on both occasions. I blame her for my life of non-crime.
Damn the Man!
Last night, or I should say early this morning, was no different. The facts are these.
At approximately 2:15 am, I was in front of my computer writing. As always, I have multiple windows open, including my email. As I sat there getting pumped up by the rebellious music I was listening to (I believe it was Enya), my road dog Angie instant messaged me.
We exchanged a few pleasantries, when I decided to take a walk on the wild side. I sent her a message saying, "You want to go on a short and boring adventure with me?" I believe her reply was "Hell yeah! Where are we going?" I informed her that I had a Red Box movie to return to Wal Mart, and I was in serious need of a Diet Coke. She thought that sounded like kick ass fun, so I put on my pants and went to pick her up. This is where the real Anarchy begins.
As I pulled my ride up to her front door, I had my radio blasting. Ok, I was blasting a bit of talk radio, but it was LOUD! Hell yes! She climbed into the car, and we were off! First stop...Wally World. Ran in. Dropped off the DVD. (The Soloist) Got back into the car. Drove to the gas station. Got two...count them TWO Diet Cokes (Hardcore!), and left.
We drove the approximately 3 and a half blocks back to Angie's crib, and decided to have a brief chat before she went back inside. We chatted for about 20 minutes to a half an hour...maybe not quite that long. I had my door open because my car decided that it hates me and along with it's various other problems, the driver's side window stopped working. We were in the process of checking out some of the features of her swanky new cell phone when...you guessed it. The Po Po showed up.
We assumed that he was going to tell us to move the car to make way for the street cleaner. Little did we know, we were in trouble!
"What are you two ladies doing out here?" he asked. We replied honestly. "Nothing. Talking."
"Why are you parked out here?" he inquired. Again, honesty is the best policy. "Because she lives here." I told him.
My Backup Plan
He proceeded to inform us that someone reported us as being "suspicious". Which is hilarious. My little silver plastic car. Two 30-ish gals sitting there drinking diet coke and marveling over the miraculous technology of a new phone. Maybe a giggle or two here and there. So menacing!
Of course, he asked to see my Driver's License to determine if there were any warrants for my arrest. Hilariously, Angie asked him, "Do you want to see mine too?" Yeah, we're bad ass! The officer accepted her ID.
He also brought to my attention that a second officer had arrived on the scene. I turned around just in time to catch a little flashlight to the eyeballs. I politely said hello to the new arrival. They both continued to quiz us about why we were sitting outside at 3am, and that there had to be SOME reason why they were called. We kept telling them that we were just sitting there talking. We knew instantly that it was Angie's bat shit crazy neighbor lady who called. She's evil incarnate. And crazy. Bad combo.
Nice to see that I'm not the only one getting harassed for BS reasons!
It was around this point that it was becoming clear to the officers that Angela and I were no menaces to society, and their time was officially wasted. After assuring that neither of us were fugitives on the run, he handed the IDs back to us and they left. BAD BOYS BAD BOYS...WHATCHA GONNA DO???
The reason that I share this story is because I find it terribly funny. I'm not going to say that I've never done anything illegal. I have. But I've never been caught. However, I have had numerous unnecessary encounters with the law when I am doing absolutely NOTHING wrong!
When I was a bit younger, I wanna say between the ages of 20-22, my friends gathered at my apartment to throw me a surprise birthday party. It was literally the most innocent of parties you could imagine. Granted, there were a LOT of people crammed into the place, but as it was a very diverse group of ages, the party was incredibly tame. There was pizza. There was 7-Up Punch. There was a birthday cake shaped like a Care Bear. Rock on!
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. More party guests? No! It was the police, saying that they had received complaints about a wild party that was happening. The best part is that the building I lived in at the time was mostly populated by crack heads. Literally. Whomever called the 5-0 probably made sure to stash their crack pipe in a safe location before doing so.
They did a thorough search of the apartment, which must have been very funny to them. The cops were at my building all of the time, and never left empty handed. But this time all they could turn up was some festive B-day cake and a few empty Domino's boxes. I think they got the hint that their search was useless when the noticed my 60 year old coworker Helen sitting on the floor in the corner playing with my cat Azrael.
Somewhere deep inside the files kept by Law Enforcement, is a file on a woman named Natalina, who according to the information gathered on the scene is the most boring person in the world. My wild nights include home made cartoon cakes and late night Diet Coke runs. And Angie was present on both occasions. I blame her for my life of non-crime.
Damn the Man!
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Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
A special guest appearance on Airport Security . . .
I can't wait.
Love thy neighbour I say - sounds like Angie's bat shit crazy neighbor needs something in her life to really worry about.
Great story
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Natalina
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Bryn, I only whip them out in times of peril or when I feel threatened. It's kind of like when an angry gorilla puffs up his chest as a defense mechanism, except not quite as menacing. LOL You perv.
Comment by Daughter of Goat Island Man
Comment by Natalina
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Your poo analysis raises questions I'd not considered. I think I'll ponder it over a Diet Coke.
Comment by IandMe
My suggestion for your next adventure at 2:30 in the morning, when you drop off the movie at Wally World, look for the security camera and drop an empty diet coke can on the floor. Then when buying the incredible two diet cokes instead of one, buy a snickers bar and unwrap in in the store and drop the wadded up wrapper on the counter.
Then when sitting in front of Angies, be sure to talk badly about the crazy old lady and how much a man would help her get over her craziness.
While doing this be sure to talk about how you plan to run every stop sign on the way home.
Now these might not help you be treated seriously by the big bad Cops, at least you will have given it a slightly less boring effort.
Good luck, Janice
Comment by Natalina
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
I shall take all of your words to heart next time I'm feeling rowdy and rebellious! I'll let you know what the result are...as long as I'm not in the slammer doin' hard time!
Good to see you!
Comment by IandMe
Have a wonderful try at rowdy rebellion next time you try.
Janice
Comment by The Rusty Can
Everything
Anyways, thanks for the laugh!
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Comment by Natalina
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Rusty, holy crap that made me laugh! I can just imagine some creepy weirdo showing up at the door holding a stick for no apparent reason...was he prepared to parry and dodge if the situation became hostile? Hahaha!
JD, I am ROTTEN to the core!
Comment by James Rickard
unlucky_ fishermen.com
Angling Fish
Check this out...
Comment by Natalina
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
This reminds me of a story about myself when I had just finsihed high school. I was 19 and the only person from my school year to have their own place. I lived near the beach and also had the neighbor from satan's depths. Every day I had ex-school friends drop in for a coffee or a joint or a drink on the way to the beach or wherever. My neighbor was a psycho ambo driver who due to stress reasons was being medicated 50mg of valium per day (he actually enjoyed telling me this as though I was the cause). Well he called his buddies at the police and told them I was a heroin dealer (cops told me this eventually).
So the cops from the North Shore Drug Squad put a tail on me of 5 police for 2 weeks 24 hours a day. The thought my school friends visiting every day was enought to justify a warrant so one night, after a friend left I had 5 cops come through my front door with guns drawn.
They completely trashed my apartment looking for heroin and not only did I have 2 good cops - I had three bad cops with all of them playing me to find my "stash". Of course I have never even seen heroin in my life but they found my 5X seedlings of maryjane on the windowsill - these were all 2 inches or less in height. They had to charge me for posession and cultivation of $10000- worth of marijuana - apparently every plant in Australia has a street value of $2000-.
The police processed me and apologised for the misunderstanding - they also gave me tips on how to grow it better next time. I got off with a warning and 2yr good behaviour bond. But I did learn where cops do not look when searching
My neighbor got worse and hired a private detective who I called the police on because he broke into my house, but they could prove nothing.
I ended up moving out as the neighbor was a nutcase.
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
Anyway, you are all naughty people and I am a law abiding goodie two shoes citizen, and Oh god, I am so boring. I wanna be naughty sometimes!
Oh I just remembered, there were some incidents earlier in my life. I don't do that now, for good reasons. Gotta go now, off to the poetry readings.
Comment by Natalina
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Carolyn, I'll call you next time I make a late night diet coke/wal mart run. Oh the merry mischief we will have!
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Watch your tude peeps or I'll pop a cap in yo ass
Comment by Natalina
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog